By: Tom

Tom — Sat, 09 May 2009 04:47:39 +0000

I have a lifelong friend of 25 years who is a health professional. I recently reestablished contact with her 2 years ago. We had dinner, only to find out that we had many of the same interests, and wanted to start an intimate relationship with her. Her husband had died od a sudden, unexpected heart attack 4 years earler. She was ending a 3 years relationship with a man who wife had died of cancer at about the same time, but was of a much lower intelligence level than she, and was taking advantage of her. My friend would be nice to his face at times, bad mouth him to others to an extreme, and has asked him to move out of her house ASAP. Our relationship began as one of mistrust, as the old boyfriend would bad mouth me, and she would believe every word of it. The relationship, which recently ended, was very confusing for me-one day she would say I love you, the next was I don’t love you and move out of my house. She could definitely grasp the concept of humour-she and I sahred the same sense of humour. She has 3 children, of which she was constantly screaming at them(sometimes swearing inappropriately at them. The oldest daughter appeared to be the surrogate mother for her 2 younger siblings when she was home from college(Her middle daughter has been diagnoed with Asperger’s). She had a hard time evening hugging them when they needed some affection. I basically brought her children back to her-a relationship the prevoius boyfriend had all but destroyed. My friend also has a hard time showing affection to her children, and only really started when I came into the picture. She wears the same style of clothes most of he time with little variation. She can only sinle task-she cannot do more than one thing at a time without becoming upset. She fixates on her lawnmower and her laptop computer constantly. She says she knows waht she says can be hurtful at times, but she says them directly anyway.She definitely knows what love is, but has a hard time expressing it to me(she needs to have bells and whistles go off, but cannot see love as evolving and comfortable). She does know how to have sexual relations, and feels that she is quite attractive to the opposite sex. She feels alienated from her family because they don’t help her. The outside of her home is immaculate, but the inside is a mess(probably has’nt been full cleaned in 4 years)-she feels that the exterior is more important than the interior-she keeps the lawn nicely mowed, and her pool and hot tub are very clean. She is very demanding at work to the point where her coworkers find it hard to deal with her-her way or no way, and ther tire of hearing her badmouth others in her life to them, including myself and her children, and she has been known to occasionally lie to save face. I did fall in love with this woman, but it was very hard to maintain-I never knew if I was doing the right thing, and I found myself having a “dark cloud” of depression, being asked to leave her home, but never really knowing why, and blaming myself for it. She and I are still friends, though, at times, can still be touchy. She has contacted the boyfriedn previous to myself, to see if he would go out with her again, but I do not know the outcome of it. She always spoke of “comfort zones” and seeing “red flags” in people and situations. I hope this is helpful to men who suspect their mates or spouses have Asperger’s, as most articles are about men with Asperger’s.

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By: Tom